BATMAN'S PARENTS

 

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Batman is busting up a party full of Gotham's elite criminals.

Batman charges into a back room amidst KA-POWS and cheesy SOUND EFFECTS. Inside the back room, a luxurious dinner party is taking place.

BATMAN

(to a party-goer)

Don't you move!

(to another guest)

Put that down!

Batman pauses. He recognizes the couple sitting at the lush table. They are eating caviar under a chandelier, wearing diamonds and expensive clothes. Batman stares at them, trying to place the familiar faces. He walks up to the couple.

BATMAN

Dad?

MRS. WAYNE & MR. WAYNE

Bruce?!

BATMAN

Mom! I don't understand. I watched you die!

MRS. WAYNE

(stammering, caught off guard)

We did die in a way. I mean, our role as your parents died when we faked our deaths. So that kind of counts, right?

 

BATMAN

You faked your deaths to get away from me? Why?

 

MR. WAYNE

You have to admit, Bruce, you were a really weird kid.

 

BATMAN

(sheepish, not very batman-y)

No, I wasn't.

 

MR. WAYNE

Yes, you were Bruce. Look at you now. What are you? What are you supposed to be?

 

BATMAN

I'm a bat.

 

MR. WAYNE

A bat? A bat! How old are you, man? A bat? I am not kidding this time; kill me! My son thinks he is a bat! I am serious, kill me!

 

MRS. WAYNE

Bruce, it was very difficult being your parents. Remember when you were eight? And you scarred that kids face up? He swore to be your mortal enemy. You were eight and already had a mortal enemy!

 

MR. WAYNE

You were always hanging out with such jokers.

 

BATMAN

I am your son, how could you leave me?

MR. WAYNE

Just leave you? Yeah, we just left you...we left you like a billion dollars!

 

Party guests nod in agreement.

 

MRS. WAYNE

And what did you spend it on? Weird outfits? So you could chase even weirder people around? Why all the capes? So many capes!

 

MR. WAYNE

I know this will sound weird coming from a guy who faked his own death to get away from his 8-year-old son but, I'm very disappointed in you Bruce.

Batman hangs his head embarrassed of what he's become.

BATMAN

I saved the city many times.

MR. WAYNE

I'm sure you have. Look, I'm sorry Bruce, but, we had to set you up. This is a sting operation.

BATMAN

A what?

MRS. WAYNE

We knew that if you saw us here, you'd stick around long enough for the police to grab you.

 

BATMAN

You set me up?

Several Police Officers enter.

MR. WAYNE

You're going to jail for a long time, son.

COP

Bruce Wayne? I always knew you were a bit off.

(turns to parents)

I bet he was a weird kid too?

MRS. WAYNE & MR. WAYNE

oh yeah, uh huh.

The cops walk Batman out in handcuffs, head hung low. The Wayne's go back to partying.

Mr Wayne holds up martini glass.

MRS. WAYNE

(to Mr. Wayne)

I told you I'd get our old house back!

 

The Wayne's laugh maniacally as the party continues.

THE END